Through It All

Five Steps to Get Unstuck In Your Relationship

Uncertain times and situations can catch us by surprise – off guard – in the hustle, bustle, and busyness of our lives. The normal everyday calisthenics of our otherwise routine lives threaten to become undone. The homeostasis and equilibrium of our lives is thrown off balance — and we or our relationships strive to seek a new normal. How can we find a sense of normality when it seems as if everything is coming apart? The noise of current events, the stress of new challenges or a sense of uncertainty on a daily basis, tend to drown out the peace that is sought. A peace, which may bring a better outlook, even in the midst of all the noise. 

How could such a perspective of peace affect how we engage in relationships? This challenge would require one to look around and see what is already there. One way is to find what is on track, what is not out of balance — not out of whack. This balance could be right there in front of your eyes.  You may notice that, nature has not been hindered from its cycle of rebirth. Maybe during trying times your marriage, family or another significant relationship has been under an atmosphere of uncertainty, stress or hardship of some kind. Possibly it has been difficult for you, coupled with a dose of anxiety, to move forward – to get unstuck — through it all.

For example, take the crocus flower. This tenacious little bud is a member of ninety species of flowers grown from bulbs in the iris family, which bursts forth in a variety of colors, sometimes even multiple colors on the same plant. Unlike its cousin, the crocus sativus, known for its precious spice of saffron, the more common variety of the spring crocus, the crocus vernus, is routinely used as an ornamental bloom (en.wikipedia.org “Crocus vernus,” n.d.). Flowers in the crocus family have come to be known as the hardiest and most resilient spring blooming flower, with longevity year after year, as it faithfully stretches its “cup-shaped petals” upward (howstuffgworks.com. “Crosus,” Burrell, n.d.).  This perennial reveals its beauty as it breaks through the barrier of a blanket of snow or a shield of icy hardened earth, all failing to hinder it. The spring crocus has come to symbolize glee, youthfulness, cheerfulness, mirthfulness, as well as a sign of gladness or gladness to come (treesymbolism.com/crocus-flower-meaning. “Flower Meaning, All Flowers A-D. #11 Crocus Flower: Meaning and Symbolism” n.p.).

Marriages can be like the crocus flower. Couples may experience struggles and barriers, which keeps them from breaking free, by confining them and resisting their desire to move forward in their quest to get unstuck, in order to express the fullness of their joy. It is not easy to rebound from a situation that, may have brought a relationship to the screeching halt of a dormant winter in their relationship. How may a couple begin to progress on the path towards peace and gladness, to be free from the emotional/relational roadblocks that keep them from basking in the rays of their love? Maybe the following five points will help the couple that is stuck, while having in their hearts the desire to move forward – together. It may be that, there is something to be learned from the hardy crocus.

1.Appearances can be deceiving at first glance. Prior to coming into bloom, the crocus looks very much like grass, being camouflaged in its surroundings. For couples that are trying to overcome the challenges of their relationship, remembering why they married or are together in the first place may help in refocusing on what is important. The daily grind of life, wondering how the bills are going to be paid, raising children, caring for an elderly parent or putting the other in second place to everything else (maybe some or all of the above) can contribute to your relationship morphing into something that neither of you ever dreamed of. Taking the time to revisit why your mate is special to you could help in not having him or her get caught up in the camouflage of routine – blending into the background.

2.It takes tenacity to overcome the sometimes cold and icy intervals of a relationship. The crocus must fight through the snow-laden hard winter soil. It is amazing how such a delicate flower presses against the rough surface of a seemingly unyielding environment, in order to reveal its beauty. Some couples can become tired, discouraged or distracted and yield to the obstacles that come their way. Recognizing that building a strong relationship will not always be easy is a good starting point. When a couple determines that what they have is worth fighting for, their perspective becomes clear and are now placed in a position to take a closer look at what they have already overcome together. As a couple, you and your mate can garner the staying power, which will give your marriage a fighting chance, revealing the beauty that was worth the fight.  

3.Faithfulness and dependability create an atmosphere in which marital longevity can be possible. When the crocus blooms year after year, it announces that it has not become stagnant and that hope is ever present – that it is faithful and can be depended upon to spring forth. When a partner does not rest in the security of knowing that their mate will be faithful, positive expectations for the future can fade away. Dependability in a marriage allows the couple the freedom of knowing that they are on this journey together. The fear of whether a partner will leave when times get hard can make it difficult to bond emotionally, which in turn could usher in mistrust. Being there for your spouse in good times and not so good times sends the message that, you cherish and honor him or her because you can be counted on to fulfill the vows you initially made because “We are in this together.”

4.Taking the time to embrace one another can be reassuring by sending the nonverbal message of “We are still connected and covered by the love we have for one another.” The cup-shaped petals of the crocus creates a space that not only shows its beautiful floral structure, but also surrounds the delicate stamens inside. As a couple, you and your mate can be filled like a cup with the confidence of your love as you cherish and embrace which you have so diligently worked for. The love you have for each other, becomes the framework for the delicate balance of determined strength and tenacity, which safeguards the preciousness of your marriage.

5.Not forgetting to celebrate the presence of your mate in your life, lets him or her know how much you appreciate them. Like the crocus, which symbolizes gladness, your relationship can be infused with the hope of what is  – looking past the noise. Although building a strong marriage can take time, the journey will be sweeter when you remember to add excited anticipation. All work and no play can make for a bland marriage. Share with each other those unforgettable moments that brought joy into your lives. Create opportunities for even more cherished memories, which can serve to sustain the relationship, when pressing through any obstructions that threaten to get in the way. 

The victorious coming forth of the spring crocus would not be possible without the soil, the sun, and the rain. Victory in a marriage requires nourishment. Without faithfully seeking the strength of God, stretching towards His only begotten Son — Jesus Christ, and embracing the presence of the Holy Spirit, becoming unstuck can be daunting. Allow the love of God to guide you and your mate as you burst forth in the spring of your union with gladness “…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6 NIV)

Until next time,

Be blessed and stay safe