Six Steps to Enhancing Your Marriage
Have you ever experienced the mouthwatering sensation of eating a delicious cut of meat that has been marinated and cooked to perfection? It melts in your mouth. The precise blend of various herbs and spices combine to compose a fine-tuned symphony for the palate. In a moment, your taste buds are ignited and transported on a journey of edible ecstasy. Your whole body responds as you float away, deliberately savoring each scrumptious morsel. Yum.
To effectively take such a delectable voyage, careful preparation is necessary. For those of you who marinate meat, poultry, fish, or vegetables, you take specific steps to ensure a flavorful outcome. You know that, even if the meat is tough, with the precise amount of time, the tenderizing and flavor-enhancing process of marinating will pay off.
What can be learned from marriages that have marinated and stood the test of time? What could be some of the steps taken by couples that have been married for several years or more? Let’s take a look at six possible steps that can be part of the process of a marriage that has marinated over time.
The Marriage Marinating Process
1.Planning is vital when it comes to marinating. Deciding what utensils, seasonings, containers, oils, and what you intend to marinate are essential since these decisions will affect the outcome of the finished product. It is unfortunate, but for some marriages, more thought went into the wedding ceremony rather than the marriage. Some couples may even employ a wedding planner to make sure everything runs smoothly. Their wedding plans may turn out just fine, but it is the marriage that could present problems for them. Couples who plan when it comes to their marriage realize that weddings are not marriages. For them, marriage is a serious undertaking and is something that should not be entered into lightly. Some couples that have been married for many years may have initially taken into consideration whether they were ready to jump the broom. They may have taken the time to look at the whole picture, not through rose-colored glasses, but with a clear focus as to what it would take to preserve their union. In their commitment to each other, they may have planned to stay with the process and took the time to know what they would need, individually and collectively to pursue a life together. For example, the couple may have taken into consideration what works and does not work for them. If he spends most of his time with the guys or she spends most of her time at church, then these could become areas that they plan to adjust before getting married. Those who skip the planning phase miss important clues before marriage or may believe their issues will in some way magically disappear after they are married – (“NOT”). The truth is, missed cues only get worse and can threaten the longevity of the marriage.
2.Timing means that you cannot expect the cut of meat to marinate quickly. It takes time since depending on what you are marinating could vary. In some cases, the marinating process could take a few hours and, in some instances, overnight or longer. Couples who rush into marriage may find themselves rushing out of it as well. They may have entered this sacred union with their eyes wide shut, having expectations that resemble a child’s short fairy-tale rather than real life. The couple may have gotten caught up in the moment of the wedding without considering the work of day to day married life. This is not to say that their notion of a happily ever after is not possible; however, they just did not factor in that overtime, it would take work. Couples who have invested in their marriage, reap the benefits of their labor. They are aware that it will take time to know one another in a way that they have not experienced before their marriage. Marital longevity for them means that they allow themselves the time to grow together, even when the process seems as if it is taking too long. Marinating their marriage, unlike those who rush in, takes into account that the work involved would take longer than the five to 10 minutes, it took them to say “I do.”
3.Refrigeration is necessary because bacteria can grow in what is being marinated if left out at room temperature for an extended amount of time. No one wants to get sick from eating something that looks good but is teeming with germs. Yet, couples who harbor their anger, unforgiveness, or resentment run the risk of breeding unhealthy emotional micro-organisms that will fester in their marital state. Such a married couple may come to church smiling as they greet everyone in Christian love or attend a social gathering, masquerading as the ideal couple. Still, that show of stability and connectedness dissolves behind closed doors. It’s all about appearances for this couple. She may not have resolved her anger towards him for not divulging the whole story about that business trip he took last year. He still resents her for not telling him that the daughter he raised is not his. So, they continue in their heated marital environment – acting as if nothing is wrong. When they argue, it has nothing to do with who left the dirty dishes in the sink. The couple that has overcome the rough spots decided a long time ago that they would not let anger, unresolved issues, unforgiveness, or any other emotional germs to invade and decay their marriage. They have agreed to cool down and take some time out before coming together to work out a way that they can get past it; to move forward – healthy and whole – for the long haul.
4. Tenderizing and flavor enhancement are the two main reasons that go hand in hand when marinating. If the meat is tough, tenderizing will make it melt in your mouth. The seasonings used, poured or rubbed, help to bring out the flavor. Tender loving care can go a long way in depositing affection into a marriage. Knowing when to pick your battles to preserve the relationship leaves room for extending grace towards one another. The lesson learned here is that every molehill does not have to become a mountain. The recipient of such grace takes note of the fact that their spouse could have come back with a verbal punch, but chose not to, not out of weakness, but because it just wasn’t worth it. The tenderness shown opens a window of opportunity for reciprocity. Couples who nit-pick at every opportunity toughen their relationship. This toughening produces an atmosphere of conflict in the relationship, almost like chewing a gristle laden piece of meat. Every bite becomes a challenge. When it comes to marriage, such a problem can cause the couple to drift apart rather than coming together in a tender bond of affection, seasoned with the spices that enhance the flavor of their love.
5. Direct contact of ingredients during the marinating process ensures that the tenderizing and flavor-enhancing additives are measured just right. The meat should not be allowed to rest without being rotated periodically. A marriage becomes jeopardized when more time is given to everything, and sometimes everyone else except for each other. The busyness of everyday life can get in the way of intimate physical and non-physical contact. When intimacy and affection are not part of the ingredients process, the marriage loses its passion, becomes routine, and lacks flavor. Couples in long-term marriages, being committed to marital success, make it a point to spice things up now and again. Intimacy and affection are not choices on a fast-food drive-through menu or just items to check off the To-do list.
6. Marinade mixing of two different types of meat in the same marinade mixture or container is unhealthy, and by doing so, results in cross-contamination since bacteria from one will contaminate the other. Marriages can be tainted, as well. Examples could be a mother who interferes with the marital dyad or a friend who continually involves him or herself into the couple’s personal affairs. Further mixing could be on the part of a spouse who invites such friends (or family) to interfere. Spending too much time social networking or engaging in an affair can also weaken marital boundaries and ultimately trust. Couples who experience instability in their relationship may have opened their marriage up to compromising contaminants and, in some cases, risk ending the union.
The journey of marriage can present a myriad of legitimate reasons to end it. Certain circumstances may exist that dissolving the union is the best recourse. Every couple has its own set of variables to consider. Possibly, these marinated marriage steps will help in cultivating a marriage that stands the test of time.
Until next time,
God bless
Dr. V's Relationship Tips 